My given name is Morwenna Rachel Prendergast. My coven name is Morwenna Queen of the Five Moons.
I live with my Mum in this wee town called Ballochbridge. My brother Wendover, known to everyone as Wendy, is at Oxford studying to be a pretentious git with honours. Edinburgh was too common for him.
Anyhow, I am marooned on the West Coast of Scotland with plenty of seals, puffins and caber tossers for company.
Although we have wildlife coming out of our ears ( not literally, except for isolated cases ) I am really ignorant when it comes to the David Attenborough stuff. I could not tell a tit from a booby !!
The only wild creature of interest to me is my boyfriend Gaz, or to give him his full name, Gareth William Arthur George McTaggart of that ilk.
Actually I put that ilk bit in... it sounds dead posh.
Gaz is 28; I am nearly 17.
He works in Staples in Fort Catherine which is the next town along. He quite likes his job there; they are cool about him taking stuff home, he says.
We are both heavily into the ink and body modding scene.
Gaz gave me my first tattoo on my 13th birthday. It was Ant off Ant & Dec, on my left buttock.
Dec followed soon after on the right.
My Mum did not notice my skin art until Gaz did the Chinese Characters on my forehead.
He copied them off an old Kung Fu video box he found washed up on Arrow Beach, using a cartridge of printer ink and a compass.
Mum was really cool about it and admired Ant & Dec too.
I know that she has a tattoo on her backside; the initials GM inside a heart. She has always been a huge George Michael fan.
She asked one of her colleagues who knows all about Kung Fu & Chinese stuff what the characters said. He said that it says "Get Down to Blockbusters" in Cantonese. Whatever, it looks wicked.
Gaz did my first piercings when I was 14 and a half. He found some novelty keyrings at work and attached them to my nipples.
It was quite painful when he made the holes with a safety pin but we were both off our tits on cider so it was a laugh.
One of the keyrings is a gold Eiffel Tower, the other one is my lucky rabbit's foot. Class.
I swap them around from time to time.
Since then Gaz has pierced many more of my bits.... let's just say that Bodyform is NOT for me !!
Although Gaz knows every inch of me we have still not gone all the way. We are both looking forward to our handfasting when we will be able to cement our relationship completely. More about that later....
Gaz does not actually have any tattoos or piercings himself; he is waiting for the right time to let me start on him. I offered to do a Prince Albert but he says that he is not a royalist.
When we go out I do some temporary skin art on him with my felt tips so he does not feel left out.
Mostly we go out to Gurneys in town.
It is this really ace restaurant and bar where the cool guys hang out. I am hoping to get a job there ~ I can do cooking and waitress stuff no probs.
For the last 6 months I have been working as a mobile dog-groomer. Don't laugh. It is not particularly difficult or heavy work, just a wee bit messy. The pay is OK and I get tips. Plus the boss, Mrs Ironside, lets me keep all the clippings; unless they are off a Poodle.... she keeps those for herself ~ goodness knows why !!
I have been putting the clippings inside a duvet cover to make a lovely bean bag for Gaz. It is going to be a hand fasting gift.
Did I mention that I am a witch ? I belong to a wee coven here in Ballochbridge. To be honest it is mainly a social thing for us. We make our own entertainment here. Obviously I respect the Powers of Darkness and would never divulge the secrets of the coven's rituals. Most of them I have difficulty remembering to be honest, but Mum gave me a wee booklet which I take to meetings.
Mum is actually the Head Witch of the coven, can you imagine !!
When I turned 16 they held a lovely naming ceremony for me at the Ring of Balloch; it's this wee ancient Stonehenge-stylee ruin up on the moors. Fortunately my birthday is in July so we did not get chilly being Sky Clad and all. But the midges !!
Anyhow, since then I have been known as Morwenna Queen of the Five Moons. Gaz tattoed it on the back of my left leg, just below Braveheart.
Gaz is also in the coven but he takes it much more seriously than me. He has memorised tons of spells and has his own ceremonial stuff which he keeps at his Mum's.
His coven name is Gareth Blood Serpent. I think that would look nice down his, you know, but he says to wait until our handfasting.
You can get handfasted at 16 but my Mum wants me to wait until I am 18. Sometimes I suspect that she is not keen for me to be with Gaz....
I should explain that my Dad disappeared when I was 10, on a business trip to Sweden.
The coven were really supportive & cast a special finding spell but without success.
I suggested that my guinea pigs Moneypenny and Q could be offered as a sacrifice to the Horned One, but Mum said that it was a kind thought but that the RSPCA might come round.
My Mum is quite high up in the local polis and she does not want her coven activities made public.
Sometimes on a difficult case she will ask the coven to help out by summoning Powers from the Realms of Darkness. Like there is now this weird Poodle business; the coven have put Asmodeus the foul dog-headed demon on the case.
Mrs I and I have a proper giggle when the Poodles are mentioned; I am like "You are finally unmasked Jock the Clipper... you are nicked" and she is like "Not so fast you fiend, you are the real Jock the Clipper... assume the position ".
Yes we have some great laughs at work but I definitely need to advance my career. For one thing Mrs I insists that I remain out of sight of the customers. She explained that it is because they would be expecting an older, more experienced-looking person to be attending to their pooches.
I suppose that is fair enough, but when I start at Gurneys I will be on full view and no mistake.
Esmeralda, the owner, says that my skin art and body mods will be perfect for the Capital Punishment theme. Most Death Row inmates have them.
She is even thinking of introducing topless waitresses which would allow the customers to admire my keyrings.
Esmeralda says that she will take me on part-time when I turn 17, and if it all works out as a full timer once I am 18.
I have not told Mrs I that I am leaving yet, but there are a few months left before my 17th so no great hurry there.
I'm sure she will easily find a school leaver who enjoys working with animals.
I am also doing regular baby-sitting for Esmeralda. She has these lovely wee twins called Langoustine & Homard; they are by a previous partner, not her husband. Her husband actually works for my Ma in the polis. Small world !!
Anyhow, the twins are adorable; they have beautiful dark eyes and golden skin. Esmeralda says that they arrived from Brazil recently after their Dad disappeared on a hunting trip. An anaconda was found a few days later with his phone in its stomach...on vibrate.
I almost forgot to mention Guapa; she is Esmeralda's constant companion ~ a huge black jaguar who sleeps on her bed and smells of tayberries & heather.
Guapa likes to sprawl across the electric chair in the restaurant; sometimes she will put her head into the guillotine and roar fiercely for a laugh. She is a great favourite with the customers.
Gaz reckons that Guapa is half spirit. He says that she communicates with him in pictures and can also channel a Brazilian shaman called Don Alfonso.
Sometimes I think that Gaz takes too many of those wee mushrooms he picks on the moors.
Esmeralda says that I can move in with her once I start at the restaurant.
She is keen for me to be the nanny for the twins as well.
That would fit in really well; their home is much nearer to Gaz' place on the estate than my Mum's.
Soon it will be the 7th anniversary of my Dad's disappearance & Mum can have him legally declared dead; she has hinted that she would like to re-marry and possibly move to the East Coast. My brother will no doubt stay in England to work once he graduates from Oxford next year.
Although Gaz is well spiritual he also wants to be very rich. I pointed out to him that his job at Staples was not the passport to unimaginable wealth.
He says that he has a plan which is nearing completion. He is a wee bit vague on the details but it definitely involves Black Magic ( no, not the chocolates, silly ) , the National Lottery and the sacrifice of a virgin.
I asked Mum if she knew anything more about the plan. She said that Gaz was a dreamer and did not have the necessary High Magick skills to bring the plan to fruition. Moreover she was sure that Gaz would be unable to source a virgin in Ballochbridge.
I agreed completely with the last bit ~ the only suitable virgin in town that Gaz could get his hands on was me !!

THE END


EPILOGUE

Ballochbridge Sunday Argus 11th August 2009

The normally quiet town of Ballochbridge has been shaken to the core by the tragic death of Morwenna Prendergast, daughter of Chief Inspector Grizelda Prendergast QPM and her late husband Hieronymous Prendergast MBE.
The remains of the unfortunate teenager were found by hikers on Thursday near to the Ring of Balloch ancient monument on the outskirts of Ballochbridge.
The hikers report that Morwenna had been attacked by wild animals; cloven hoof marks were found in the blood at the scene.
The Procurator Fiscal's office remain tight-lipped but one source suggests that possibly an escaped zoo or circus animal may be responsible.
We are not aware of any zoos or circuses in the vicinity of Ballochbridge.
Local gossip suggests that Satanists have recently used the Ring for their depraved rituals.
Local Satanists were unavailable for comment.

Not all is doom & gloom in Ballochbridge however. A local couple who only wish to be known as Griz and Gaz have scooped £66.6 million on Friday's Euromillion rollover draw.
The newly wealthy pair told the Argus "It was just magic". Now the couple are planning a spell abroad while they plan their future. "We will not be forgetting the sacrifices that our families have made for us" the loving couple added.

Weather for today: douce but maybe dreich later. Haar likely by dawn.

Lucky number: 666